Sue's Blog - Some assembly required.

Easy money

Wanna make a fortune?
It's easy.
Become a vet. It isn't hard to do, just buy a book......ermmm...."Vetting For Dummies" or something.
Then rent a couple of rooms and put up a sign.
"GUILT TRIPS R US" would be a good one.
Then just wait.
Very soon along will come Mr & Mrs Gullible Suckers accompanied by their precious kitty, Sir Squitsalot.
Put your concerned face on and listen to his symptoms.
What next? Should you....
a, Suggest X Rays (very expensive)
b, Suggest blood tests (very expensive)
c, Suggest an ultra sound procedure (super expensive)
d, Prescribe medicine (make sure it is expensive stuff)
e, Sell them special anti allergy food (bloody expensive - $50 for a bag of dry food)
f, Prescribe more medicines (more expensive than the last lot)
g, Try to convince them that the only things to do now are even more expensive procedures.

Answer :-
All of the above.
At this point you should lean heavily on the guilt trip side of things.
Mr & Mrs Gullible Suckers are guilted into doing whatever you say. Good so far eh?

Mr & Mrs Gullible Suckers bring in another of their kitties , Miss Tub-o-lard, for vaccinations and a check up.
You look inside Miss Tub-o-lard's mouth.......suck some air in through your teeth and shake your head sadly.
You announce that she has a bad tooth, possibly two. She must have a hard time eating, you sympathise.
Miss Tub-o-lard meanwhile, looking plump and smug, has settled down and her bulk has spread out sufficiently to cover most of the examination table.
A couple of days later Mr Gullible Sucker drops Miss Tub-o-lard off for her dental appointment.
Explain simply that each tooth extracted will cost from $20 - $95 depending on the difficulty of the extraction.
Later that day when Mrs Gullible Sucker phones to enquire into the well being of Miss Tub-o-lard, you should be bright and breezy and announce that the patient is recovering well. You then slip in quickly "we took 4 teeth out".
Mrs Gullible Sucker will then say something like "Oh poor thing. How much will this cost?"
Now you must use the guilt trip thing again.
"Only $550".
Do not be surprised if Mrs Gullible Sucker then explodes with, " What ??? For four kitty teeth !!! Were they the size of elephant molars with roots like a mangrove swamp??"
You may find that she then goes on to remind you that since April they have already spent 3 million dollars at your clinic on Sir Squitsalot on useless procedures & tests prescribed by you, only to find out a couple of weeks ago that all he needed was a $20 dose of jollop.
She might even suggest that after coming to your clinic for the last 13 years she might decide to take their menagerie somewhere else to waste money on them.
This is where you must show empathy. Show you understand. Simper a bit.
Then say " Maybe we could knock it down to $460. As a gesture of goodwill you understand."
She will probably be thinking, gesture of goodwill my arse, but what can she do?
You, meanwhile have raked in another $460.......that is over a hundred dollars per little kitty toof.
So, to any of my chums who would like to make a mint of money, if you have any sort of scientific background or if you have an old white coat in the back of the closet.
Become a vet.
This time next year you'll be a millionaire.

posted by Sue Banks @ 2:45 PM